Appropriate or Not?

Last Monday, as I'm driving back to Huntsville, I was listening to 95.7 jamz. If you're anywhere near Birmingham Alabama or ever been in or near Bham, you know all about 95.7 Jamz. Well this particular morning, one of the deejays posed a question and asked listeners to call in and give their opinion.

Is it appropriate for people to make new friends of the opposite sex while married or in a relationship?

I'll just give my 2 cents on this......and I hope to get a discussion going.

I DO NOT think that it is appropriate. Plain and simple. I look at it like this. Its okay to HAVE friends of the opposite sex, but actually going out seeking NEW friends is a whole nother beast. Especially for men. Many a man has said that they're "visual". They go off of sight. Basically when a man approaches you, its based off your physical appearance. He doesn't know you from a can of paint. He's already got in his mind that he wants to sleep with you. Now to prove this theory, just think about this for a moment. Ladies, if you are in a relationship or are married and you come home and tell your man that you have a new guy friend.....a straight, red-blooded man as a guy friend.....I'm willing to bet that your man will most likely go through the roof! You know why? Because he already knows how men think....or as he will probably put it....he knows what that guy has on his mind. Funny thing is if your man suddenly strikes up a new friendship with some random female, chances are he has those same dirty, sexual intentions.

I do believe that there are exceptions to this, however. As someone pointed out on the show, the key thing in all of this is how he met the female. For instance, a coworker being friends is a great example. Let's just say you and Johnny work together.....it would make sense for you to become friends without an ulterior motive being there. That doesn't mean that it's impossible. For me, it means that I wouldn't exercise my veto powers on this kind of friendship. Now on the flip side, if you met a guy at the gas station. I'm sure he didn't approach you because he thinks you have a great sense of humor. He probably thinks that your ass looks great in those jeans, and he's thinking of how he'd love to see it out of them.

This is simply my opinion.....and others' opinions as well. I do believe that if you and your mate love, respect, and trust one another, that you won't be in a situation that requires you to veto any friendships.

It Feels So Good to be Back in Your Arms Again

Before you get excited, this post isn't about what you think it's about.....Well on second thought, it kinda is.

Last Sunday, I attended church back home at Eagle Grove. Pastor Dawson preached a great sermon. His sermon came from Luke 15:11-32. This is the prodigal son parable. I had heard of this story in the bible before, but I had never actually read it. I had somewhat of an idea of what it was about, but after hearing that powerful sermon, I knew I had to read it in it's entirety the first chance I got.

As an attention getter, Pastor posed the question: Have you ever had an argument or disagreement with your significant other? One that carried on for quite some time? One that caused the two of you not to speak to each other for a few days? One that carried on for so long that you forgot what made you mad to begin with? I thought to myself....Of course! Anybody over the age of 18 has! He then asked: When you finally made up, do you remember how wonderful it felt to be back in their arms again? At this point, I'm thinking YES! But where is he going with all of this?

Well if you can imagine that, then being back in God's loving arms is a feeling that is immeasurable! As the Pastor is talking about this, I thought to myself...Am I too like the prodigal son? Yes, I thought.

I was raised in the church. I was brought up knowing who God is......believing in Him and all of His awesomeness (is that even a word)! But like many others, I strayed away. I guess subconsciously I felt like I was doing well enough on my own. And like the prodigal son, I ended up in a very low place. I finally saw the light. I don't have to live like this! I'm God's child! Let me go back home!

And I can truely say that it feels so good to be back in his arms again!

No Matter What

I've had hella intentions on blogging more and just haven't been doing it. So much has been going on in my life...good and not so good. I've started some posts and just run outta words I suppose. My last post was 2 whole months ago.....yeah I know. Gotta blog more...no matter what.

I Wanna Know!

So earlier today as we're in the car leavin' church, I hear a throwback Mariah Carey tune that I love! At the time, however, I wasn't in the mood to hear it. It's that song called "We Belong Together".  Now do you see why I didn't wanna hear that? Especially after hearing such an awesome word in church! That was probably the first time that I was able to hear and enjoy a sermon w/out thinking about my ex. So with that being said, I definitely wasn't tryin' to get all mushy courtesy of Mariah Carey.

Well once I began to sing along....it was a wrap! This is turn got me to thinking about my past relationships.....well just my last one. Thinking about what went wrong, what part I played in the relationship ending, etc. You know? Sappy crap like that. But on a serious note, it really did make me think about how things played out in the relationship.

I thought to myself that when things are not going well or when the person has a problem with something that the other person has said or done, I'd want to know! Basically what I'm saying is to just be upfront....at least give a person an opportunity to correct themselves--IF they feel they need to. I don't think it's fair to either party involved to keep quiet and then just blow up. Or to keep quiet and then not say anything until you have decided to explore other options.


I guess either way, someone will probably get hurt. Well I'd rather have my feelings hurt because someone is telling me, "Hey Bridget, I don't like it when you..." That gives me the chance to correct myself. Same goes the other way around. I think that I've always done a good job of letting a man know about what I didn't like. At the same time, you've gotta let a person know what you DO like, too. (but that's a whole 'nother blog for a whole 'nother time). But like I was saying...I wanna know. If I'm too clingy....tell me so I can give you 50 feet! If I don't spend enough time with you...let me know....so I can pencil you in.

Funny what a song can make you start thinking about huh????
Until my next rant.....

Ciao!

Just Don't!!!

Like many Americans, I've always been a fan and consumer of Nike products, but with the recent inappropriate products I'm heading for the hills. Let me show you what I mean....



A little while ago when my Yahoo! homepage came up, the first story I saw was one about the controversial t-shirt that you see above. Now I won't lie, at first I wondered why there was even a story about this shirt because it looked kinda cute to me. Then I thought to myself that I would never seriously wear a shirt like that because I wouldn't wanna attract the wrong type of attention nor send out the wrong kinda message.

Then once I read the article I really got offended. Plus it made me think back to another article that I read a while ago about how Nike was trying to put out some sort of "shackle" shoes and thankfully they'd been shelved.

So what I read from the t-shirt article, Nike was the official outfitter for the London Olympics and they came up with this shirt that was only available for women. What makes this shirt offensive and inappropriate is that a "gold-digger" is a derogatory term for a woman who is out for a man's money. The article also went on to say that Nike could have come up with a better phrase to emblazon across this new t-shirt. I agree 100%!!! Like the article said, this implies that all those female gold award winners didn't deserve them and somehow did something underhanded to get theirs. NOT!!!!

Sounds like Nike needs to lay off the paint fumes they've obviously been sniffing. All of that money that they've made over the years must have gone to their heads. Oh and just in case you didn't see these "shackle" shoes, here they go!!!



I know crazy right!!!! I'm done!!!




Ciao

Dangling the Sex Carrot

By no means am I a relationship expert or anything close to one, but I would like to give my input on something that I viewed online. Actually, I'm pretty sure that it's something that goes on in many homes across the country.....probably even the world. 

I guess I should go back a little bit huh? Well there's this show called Dr. Drew's Lifechangers that comes on the CW...I think. Anyway, I've never really watched this show before but I have run across it while channel surfing. Now from what I have seen, they have pretty interesting topics on there most of the time; which doesn't surprise me given that Dr. Drew has a lot to do with the Teen Mom series on MTV. So for some reason unknown even to me I decided to google the show to see what was on the website. Once there, I see    that they did a show about miserable newlyweds.....yeah I'll wait. Now is it just me or is that an oxymoron??? I mean if yall are newlyweds and are already miserable WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE? 

So me being the nosey chic that I am....I had to know more about these people. Oh and by the way, they were BLACK! That doesn't matter to me for real, but I just had to point that out. So then I see something that says "Dangling the Sex Carrot". Now me being me, I already know what time it is when I see this mess!!! To sum up what I saw, the couple had been married about 6 or 7 weeks, have a couple of kids together, and the woman had decided to cut off the cooch because hubby wasn't helping around the house. 

Now for those of you who are sensitive to a certain type of language...some call it French...you may wanna stop reading right now!!! Cuz ya girl is about to tell it like it T.I. is!!!

Since when did cutting off the lovin' from a man solve any thing??? Personally that's not a tool in my arsenal. What I'm saying is that I don't play that game. Because at the end of a long day, Mami wants to get her rocks off too!!! I mean what is the sense in being married and you're not doing what God intended for married folks to do....BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY!!!  Men are hard-wired. I mean that in every sense of the word. In my opinion, getting no azz isn't gonna make a man say "Well dam maybe I need to start helping my wife do some of these chores". Eventually that's gonna make him think about cheating on yo stingy butt!!! Ole girl at the office has probably already been sweating him for a while now......

So the next time you dangle that carrot, you'll be doing just that dangling it!!!!

Ciao

Go Shawty!!! It's Ya Birthday.

I haven't blogged in so long. I should just be ashamed of myself....but I'm not. I've just had so much going on and I didn't want to get too personal on here. But looking back, I probably should've just blogged about it considering that I vented on facebook instead. I would've been better off venting on my blog. I don't have a lot of followers on here yet so nobody would've really known. 


Anyway, today is my 30th birthday! Hopefully things are about to start turning around for me...in a positive and good way. I'm definitely working on making some changes in myself. I start grad school next week. Good thing it's online too. That way I don't have to work anything around school. I can "go to class" whenever I want. 









I always said that I was gonna take this big fly trip to Vegas on my 30th birthday....but looks like that ain't gonna happen. It's cool tho. I'm in HuntsVegas. I'm goin out with the girls tonight for food and drinks. So that should be fun. Anything outside from my normal routine is fun. I don't get to do too much these days. My finances are messed up right now.....so you know how that goes. 


In other news, I have started working on my book. Hopefully, the ideas keep flowing and I finish it in a timely manner. I think this one will be called Family Secrets.  I'm also planning on starting one called Breaking the Cycle.  


That's enough for now...just touching base. I promise to blog more though. 

Back at it! Changes....

Oh my Goodness! It's been entirely too long since my last post. I gots to do better! My apologies.....there's been so much going on lately that I never got around to blogging.

My last post was right before Brie's birthday....btw Brie is my oldest daughter. She's 2 now. Then Mother's day was right after that....then there was mucho drama!

Anywho...I was just touching base....but I promise to write more. This blogging thing has got to get my writing juices flowing because the plan is to start on my book before my 30th birthday...which is right around the corner.

He's not Hurting Like You're Hurting

This is an old post that I forgot to finish.....so here goes

So I'm watching The Game marathon on BET today while I do some stuff online. The episode called "The Trey Wiggs Falls Back" just went off. Some things happened on there that made me think. This is one of the episodes after Derwin got busted for cheating on Melanie with Drew Sidora. On this particular episode, Derwin is still trying to make amends with Melanie after she calls it quits and decides to move out.

The crazy thing about this episode is something that I'm sure happens everyday in the real world. A woman finds out that the man she loves has cheated on her and quickly tells the guy that their relationship is over. But the woman ends up feeling sad and missing the guy.

The truth of the matter is that no matter how badly someone hurt you, you're gonna miss them. Well if you love them or have any type of feelings you will. You're gonna think about the good times. Hell its human nature. Well actually it seems like it's only human nature for women. From my experience and obsevation, these guys could care less. You could break up today, and tomorrow they'll be partying and drinking like you never existed. Why can't shit be like the movies sometimes? Nah....I'm tripping. A movie is for entertainment purpses only. That stuff is NOT real life! But seriously, I do understand that there's and endangered species of men out there who will be just as hurt if not more than you.....but let's face it! Not only is that rare, but it's not our generation at all. That's the older cats. The Earth, Wind, and Fire folks! Lol!

Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love

The other day I was talking to one of my friends and she mentioned that she had watched a show called Love Addiction the night before on television. At the time, I was distracted by my own relationship woes so I forgot to get details on the show. Fast forward to Sunday afternoon.....I'm sitting at home watching Martin reruns on TVOne. During one of the commercial breaks, I noticed some new show called Love Addiction being talked about. Immediately I thought this must be the same show that my friend was telling me about just days before!

So you already know ya girl hit record on the dvr. I ended up watching it later that night....well one of the episodes anyway. Now what I gathered from watching it is that each episode will feature a couple who is in a bad relationship. There will be family and friends there, along with some sort of relationship expert who will do an intervention.

The episode that I saw featured an interracial couple. The man was 29 and the woman was 51. His family and friends felt as though he should end the relationship because the woman was married and too old.

Now the counselor made a lot of interesting points. One in particular that resonated with me was that a man who leaves home and goes back and forth to his mother's house to avoid dealing with issues head on is still immature. Now I may not be quoting this exactly right but I think you get the idea. Now that is something that I can understand. An adult should be able to deal with his or her own issues without running back home.

I Have a Best Friend.....well Actually I Have Two!

This is not gonna be at all what it sounds like.  Yes I do have two best friends but this blog isn't about them. But I will shout them out. Hey Erika and Blondie! Love y'all! Anywho.....lately whenever I see tv, people are on there saying how their spouse is their best friend. Now mind you, I've never heard anybody say this in person....just on tv. And come to think of it, I know a few people who are married. Maybe I should ask them.  You see, I'm about to turn 30 in a few months. I have two children so my biological clock is NOT anywhere near ticking. Now my aisle clock is ticking loud as hell! I think at this point in my life, I'm ready to settle down and get married. But what I'm NOT ready for is to have to trade my best friends in for a Ken! Am I crazy? Is this just me? I really wanna get some feedback on this one.

i am NOT my hair

 in the words of India.Arie....I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am not your expectations no.   

June 26, 2010...that's the day that I did the big chop. So it's been almost 2 years since I've been natural now. I had my reasons for doin it. For the most part, I like it. It's more versatile than a relaxer in my book.

Lemme go back for a minute tho....and give you some history. When I was a little kid ( and I don't remember how old I was when this started), my mom would wash and press my hair every two weeks. Man I HATED that! That comb seemed like it was the hottest thing known to man. And the process seemed to take forever. My hair was very long too. I remember when I was about 10 or 11, I started begging my mom to let me get a relaxer. She kept saying no. That is until I found out about "Just for Me". They had what we call a "kiddie perm". I guess it's supposed to be milder than an "adult" perm. They even put young girls on the box. Finally, when I was almost 12 my mom gave in a let me get one. I had to be the happiest little girl on earth. This is when I started going to the beauty shop. Eventually, I started getting my hair cut. A monster was created. I fell in love with having short hair. At times I would let it grow out, but I always went back to the short hairdos.

Fast forward to about 2007. This is when I became in going natural. So I decided to "let my relaxer grow out" aka transitioning. So for about a year, I would get protective styles. Microbraids and sew-in weaves were my choice. Then I had this little afro that I wore out for about a week to let my hair breathe. Then I was gonna get another protective style.

Now this is where it gets tricky. I went to work and people thought I had lost all of my dam mind. Honey, I couldn't get to the beauty salon fast enough! I got a relaxer so quick it almost made my head spin. I guess I wasn't ready yet.

Sometime in 2009 I got curious about goin natural again. This time I was around a few people who were natural. They talked to me about it and gave me their insight on how people react to it.

So in 2010 after I had my oldest daughter, I just woke up one morning and got it all cut off. Now I hated it at first because I had almost no hair! I mean it took time for it to even become a TWA. All I had to do in the beginning was brush and go! But now I love it! And I wouldn't change it because of what anyone else thinks.

You Don't Complete Me

You love me, you complete me
You hold my heart in your hands
And it's okay 'cause I trust that
You'll be the best man that you can...

For those of you who are not familiar with those words, they are part of the lyrics to a Keshia Cole song called "You Complete Me". I Looooove that song. It's a pretty song. Hell, I like most of her songs. What can I say? I'ma fan.

I'm using it in this blog because it goes perfectly with a topic that keeps slapping me in the face. Several times this week I've heard people talking about their significant other completing them...or whether or not that's what should happen when you get into a relationship.

My personal opinion on this is that you should already be complete before you get into a relationship. Your significant other should be an added bonus to you and vice versa. Trust me...I know from personal experience.

Some people, mainly women think that once they find the right man he will complete them. This isn't something that I ever believed, but I was able to see how entering into a relationship without being in a good place could ruin a good thing.

So take it from me, if you're single and you're going thru a lot of stuff. Things that make you feel down. Or things that make you feel like you don't have a lot to offer at the moment, then just be friends and get yourself together first. Now I'm not talking about being rich or having your dream job or a big house on the hill first. I'm talking about being in a good place emotionally because Johnny Smith aint gonna "complete you.

Now back to the song....

Only in Marion

Only in Marion would this be on the shelf at the grocery store....in front of the cans that still have labels. And how do they know what's in the can? They actually expect somebody to pay for that? It's been sitting in that same spot for the last 3 months....smdh! Only in Marion.

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What's in a Name?

A few weeks ago, my little cousin had a baby and I went to go visit them in the hospital.


...wait...lemme back up a minute. I have two children....two beautiful daughters. Their father and I are not married. However, we are together. And they have his last name. This isn't something that I considered to be a big deal. I think that I have always known what I'd do as far as last names are considered if I had children out of wedlock.


While I was visiting my cousin, my aunt gave me something to think about. I haven't changed my stance on it, but I did begin to wonder how other people feel about it.


My aunt asked her daughter (my little cousin) what is the baby's last name. And to my aunt's surprise, she told her that the baby has her dad's last name. She then looked to me and asked if my kids have their dad's last name too (thinking that I'd say no). When I gave the opposite reply, she quickly began telling us that you should only do that if the father is your husband.


Of course I don't agree with that. I understand that back in the day when our parent's generation was coming up they used their own last name. I believe this was because there was a stigma and embarrassment associated with a woman or girl who had children out of wedlock. Nowadays, it's glorified.


Neither one of these things influences my opinion. I have always felt that if there is a relationship, that's it's okay for the kids to have the father's last name. Hell you two may get married to each other one day. But if he's an a-hole and there's a snowball's chance in hell of him being a good father or of you two being together, then of course use the mother's name.

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Writer's Block???

I used to write all of the time....before I even knew what a blog was. Mainly poetry. Had a lot of ideas floating around in my head. I need to find the notebooks and flash drives that contain those writings so that I can share. I should also start back writing in my journal. That always gets the ideas flowing. Speaking of which, I just read thru that thing the other day. I've been writing in it off and on for about 2 years or so. And at the moment I don't know where it is....AGAIN! I'll look for it later. I'm always losing that thing...probably b/c I've moved around a lot in the last few years. However, I digress...a little while ago I was trying to get my baby girl to go back to sleep when an idea for a poem/song popped into my head. I'll share it with you guys in a few. It could be a chorus to a song I guess...or a refrain for a poem...or just the beginning of either one. Idk. We'll see. Don't judge...Oh and by the way, it's not about me or anybody really. The inspiration did come from my boo tho.

You see, he and I have been together off and on for 5 or 6 years. We also have 2 children together (both of our only children). Basically, I thought to myself...hmmmm I wonder how I'd feel if things didn't work out. Here's a possibility...I hope you enjoy

I call this "Someone Else"
I coulda been huggin, touchin, lovin....somebody else.
I coulda been missin, kissin, with...somebody else.

I know that's not much at all....especially now that it's typed words on a screen and not in my head. I'll try to add on to that later. I think I'm gonna find an old poem and share it with you guys. Thanks for reading....

Back to the 'Ville Again

Happy! Happy! Happy! I'm soooooo happy that we've finally moved back to Huntsville. I have lived here all of my adult life so it's my home now. I am FROM Marion, but Huntsville has been my home for a while now. My daughters and I moved here a week ago.

"the 'Ville" or "Huntsvegas" as we sometimes call it isn't all that, but almost anything is better than Marion. Now don't get me wrong, I love my hometown and all of my fam that lives there, but that town is like a modern-day Mayberry. Yes.....I am talking about the town on The Andy Griffith Show. I can just see the courthouse in my mind's eye right now with those parking spaces going around the building in a circle.

I miss my mom and my baby brother, but make no mistake about it I love living in Huntsville. Now all I have to do is finish unpacking our stuff and get the rest from my mom's house later this week. I hope I get a job soon. I think it's time to really start back applying for engineering jobs.

Anyway...enough randomness for now.

It Gets Better???

After getting the kids fed, bathed, changed and ready for bed I decided to watch a little tv. Teen Mom 2...Check up with Dr. Drew to be exact. Well to my surprise I have about 30 minutes or so left before that comes on. Instead some show called "It Gets Better" is on. I'm thinking to myself I've never heard of this. So maybe it's some new show on MTV.

.....Well it was a "new" show alright. It turned out to be this documentary show...kinda in the style of another show they do called "True Life". From the 5 to 10 minutes of it that I saw, they were following a few young people around and basically documenting how they "came out" to a family member.

Now as far as somebody being gay, lesbian, or homosexual, I really don't feel that strongly about it. I mean....I don't have anything against someone who is like that. But the thing that baffled me was that the people had transformed into the opposite sex. That kinda confuses me. This guy said he was born a female, but now he lives his life as a male...yet he's dating a female. So I get confused on whether or not he's homosexual now. ?????

Anyway...to each his or her own. I just could have done without this being on tv. I guess they're helping some poor soul out there who needs help coming out. Sooooo not entertaining.

Go to Bed Sleepyhead...I Said Go to Bed

Soooo I finally decided to do a blog. Hopefully, I'm good at it. I thought I'd be relaxing and the kids would be asleep by now....NOT! It's one of those long nights! I guess I'll introduce myself in this one. I'm a 29 year old mother of two. I'm an electrical engineer.....well, I have a degree in electrical engineering. Right now, I'm a stay-at-home mom.

Since the kids won't go to bed, and my nerves were in the process of getting shot I decided to try this in hopes of it being therapeutic. My oldest daughter is dancing around the room singing bad girls song. Yeah I know...I won't watch that show with her awake and in the room anymore. Before I actually started writing this, I was trying to set up the visuals for my blog...you know the colors, pictures, words...yadda, yadda, yadda, I felt like I didn't know what the hell I was doing and that it was taking forever. So hopefully if and when anybody reads this, that will all be taken care of. As I type this, I'm watching one of my favorite movies...What's Love Got to Do With It? Man I LOVE that movie. Nowadays they just don't make very many good movies.

I guess that's all for now.