Appropriate or Not?

Last Monday, as I'm driving back to Huntsville, I was listening to 95.7 jamz. If you're anywhere near Birmingham Alabama or ever been in or near Bham, you know all about 95.7 Jamz. Well this particular morning, one of the deejays posed a question and asked listeners to call in and give their opinion.

Is it appropriate for people to make new friends of the opposite sex while married or in a relationship?

I'll just give my 2 cents on this......and I hope to get a discussion going.

I DO NOT think that it is appropriate. Plain and simple. I look at it like this. Its okay to HAVE friends of the opposite sex, but actually going out seeking NEW friends is a whole nother beast. Especially for men. Many a man has said that they're "visual". They go off of sight. Basically when a man approaches you, its based off your physical appearance. He doesn't know you from a can of paint. He's already got in his mind that he wants to sleep with you. Now to prove this theory, just think about this for a moment. Ladies, if you are in a relationship or are married and you come home and tell your man that you have a new guy friend.....a straight, red-blooded man as a guy friend.....I'm willing to bet that your man will most likely go through the roof! You know why? Because he already knows how men think....or as he will probably put it....he knows what that guy has on his mind. Funny thing is if your man suddenly strikes up a new friendship with some random female, chances are he has those same dirty, sexual intentions.

I do believe that there are exceptions to this, however. As someone pointed out on the show, the key thing in all of this is how he met the female. For instance, a coworker being friends is a great example. Let's just say you and Johnny work together.....it would make sense for you to become friends without an ulterior motive being there. That doesn't mean that it's impossible. For me, it means that I wouldn't exercise my veto powers on this kind of friendship. Now on the flip side, if you met a guy at the gas station. I'm sure he didn't approach you because he thinks you have a great sense of humor. He probably thinks that your ass looks great in those jeans, and he's thinking of how he'd love to see it out of them.

This is simply my opinion.....and others' opinions as well. I do believe that if you and your mate love, respect, and trust one another, that you won't be in a situation that requires you to veto any friendships.

Dangling the Sex Carrot

By no means am I a relationship expert or anything close to one, but I would like to give my input on something that I viewed online. Actually, I'm pretty sure that it's something that goes on in many homes across the country.....probably even the world. 

I guess I should go back a little bit huh? Well there's this show called Dr. Drew's Lifechangers that comes on the CW...I think. Anyway, I've never really watched this show before but I have run across it while channel surfing. Now from what I have seen, they have pretty interesting topics on there most of the time; which doesn't surprise me given that Dr. Drew has a lot to do with the Teen Mom series on MTV. So for some reason unknown even to me I decided to google the show to see what was on the website. Once there, I see    that they did a show about miserable newlyweds.....yeah I'll wait. Now is it just me or is that an oxymoron??? I mean if yall are newlyweds and are already miserable WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE? 

So me being the nosey chic that I am....I had to know more about these people. Oh and by the way, they were BLACK! That doesn't matter to me for real, but I just had to point that out. So then I see something that says "Dangling the Sex Carrot". Now me being me, I already know what time it is when I see this mess!!! To sum up what I saw, the couple had been married about 6 or 7 weeks, have a couple of kids together, and the woman had decided to cut off the cooch because hubby wasn't helping around the house. 

Now for those of you who are sensitive to a certain type of language...some call it French...you may wanna stop reading right now!!! Cuz ya girl is about to tell it like it T.I. is!!!

Since when did cutting off the lovin' from a man solve any thing??? Personally that's not a tool in my arsenal. What I'm saying is that I don't play that game. Because at the end of a long day, Mami wants to get her rocks off too!!! I mean what is the sense in being married and you're not doing what God intended for married folks to do....BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY!!!  Men are hard-wired. I mean that in every sense of the word. In my opinion, getting no azz isn't gonna make a man say "Well dam maybe I need to start helping my wife do some of these chores". Eventually that's gonna make him think about cheating on yo stingy butt!!! Ole girl at the office has probably already been sweating him for a while now......

So the next time you dangle that carrot, you'll be doing just that dangling it!!!!

Ciao

He's not Hurting Like You're Hurting

This is an old post that I forgot to finish.....so here goes

So I'm watching The Game marathon on BET today while I do some stuff online. The episode called "The Trey Wiggs Falls Back" just went off. Some things happened on there that made me think. This is one of the episodes after Derwin got busted for cheating on Melanie with Drew Sidora. On this particular episode, Derwin is still trying to make amends with Melanie after she calls it quits and decides to move out.

The crazy thing about this episode is something that I'm sure happens everyday in the real world. A woman finds out that the man she loves has cheated on her and quickly tells the guy that their relationship is over. But the woman ends up feeling sad and missing the guy.

The truth of the matter is that no matter how badly someone hurt you, you're gonna miss them. Well if you love them or have any type of feelings you will. You're gonna think about the good times. Hell its human nature. Well actually it seems like it's only human nature for women. From my experience and obsevation, these guys could care less. You could break up today, and tomorrow they'll be partying and drinking like you never existed. Why can't shit be like the movies sometimes? Nah....I'm tripping. A movie is for entertainment purpses only. That stuff is NOT real life! But seriously, I do understand that there's and endangered species of men out there who will be just as hurt if not more than you.....but let's face it! Not only is that rare, but it's not our generation at all. That's the older cats. The Earth, Wind, and Fire folks! Lol!

Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love

The other day I was talking to one of my friends and she mentioned that she had watched a show called Love Addiction the night before on television. At the time, I was distracted by my own relationship woes so I forgot to get details on the show. Fast forward to Sunday afternoon.....I'm sitting at home watching Martin reruns on TVOne. During one of the commercial breaks, I noticed some new show called Love Addiction being talked about. Immediately I thought this must be the same show that my friend was telling me about just days before!

So you already know ya girl hit record on the dvr. I ended up watching it later that night....well one of the episodes anyway. Now what I gathered from watching it is that each episode will feature a couple who is in a bad relationship. There will be family and friends there, along with some sort of relationship expert who will do an intervention.

The episode that I saw featured an interracial couple. The man was 29 and the woman was 51. His family and friends felt as though he should end the relationship because the woman was married and too old.

Now the counselor made a lot of interesting points. One in particular that resonated with me was that a man who leaves home and goes back and forth to his mother's house to avoid dealing with issues head on is still immature. Now I may not be quoting this exactly right but I think you get the idea. Now that is something that I can understand. An adult should be able to deal with his or her own issues without running back home.

I Have a Best Friend.....well Actually I Have Two!

This is not gonna be at all what it sounds like.  Yes I do have two best friends but this blog isn't about them. But I will shout them out. Hey Erika and Blondie! Love y'all! Anywho.....lately whenever I see tv, people are on there saying how their spouse is their best friend. Now mind you, I've never heard anybody say this in person....just on tv. And come to think of it, I know a few people who are married. Maybe I should ask them.  You see, I'm about to turn 30 in a few months. I have two children so my biological clock is NOT anywhere near ticking. Now my aisle clock is ticking loud as hell! I think at this point in my life, I'm ready to settle down and get married. But what I'm NOT ready for is to have to trade my best friends in for a Ken! Am I crazy? Is this just me? I really wanna get some feedback on this one.

You Don't Complete Me

You love me, you complete me
You hold my heart in your hands
And it's okay 'cause I trust that
You'll be the best man that you can...

For those of you who are not familiar with those words, they are part of the lyrics to a Keshia Cole song called "You Complete Me". I Looooove that song. It's a pretty song. Hell, I like most of her songs. What can I say? I'ma fan.

I'm using it in this blog because it goes perfectly with a topic that keeps slapping me in the face. Several times this week I've heard people talking about their significant other completing them...or whether or not that's what should happen when you get into a relationship.

My personal opinion on this is that you should already be complete before you get into a relationship. Your significant other should be an added bonus to you and vice versa. Trust me...I know from personal experience.

Some people, mainly women think that once they find the right man he will complete them. This isn't something that I ever believed, but I was able to see how entering into a relationship without being in a good place could ruin a good thing.

So take it from me, if you're single and you're going thru a lot of stuff. Things that make you feel down. Or things that make you feel like you don't have a lot to offer at the moment, then just be friends and get yourself together first. Now I'm not talking about being rich or having your dream job or a big house on the hill first. I'm talking about being in a good place emotionally because Johnny Smith aint gonna "complete you.

Now back to the song....